Language and words are probably the most common form of communication we use, every day, with everyone. Often words just come out without really considering the meaning of the words or how what we say is perceived by our hearers. We like ourselves to be heard and understood. We like our perspective to be agreed upon by those who are closest to us, especially those we have to relate to every day, our family, our partners, and our work colleagues.
“BUT” is one such word. We often use it as a conjunction between our response to what another person has to say and what we have to say. “It’s a fine day now, but it will be cold and rainy later”. “You say I have a lot of friends, but none of them really love me”. “But” when used in similar everyday conversations tends to be dismissive of what was said or meant prior to the “But”. Another way to perceive it is that “But = No”. “No, it is not a fine day, it’s going to be cold and rainy”. “No one loves me”. “But” appears in our conversations with others and the conversations we have in our own heads. “I know I’ve done this before, but now everyone is watching me”. “But” is usually based on fear of feeling threatened, being left out, or what if the worst will happen. It excludes possibilities and shuts out opportunities.
In my years of working with artists, particularly in theatre, actors can be trained in improvisation techniques using the Yes And skill. Using Yes And in our thoughts, conversations, and language allows for both sides of the story to be true and for a conversation to be creatively exploring different options. Yes, and says I hear and respect your opinion, it creates space for additional opinions and perspectives, building from one point of view and onto another. “Yes And” helps a conversation move forward.
Yes,
I feel anxious,
AND
I can still do what is important to me.
In my years of working with artists, particularly in theatre, actors can be trained in improvisation techniques using the “Yes And” skill. Using “Yes And” in our thoughts, conversations, and language allows for both sides of the story to be true and for a conversation to be creatively exploring different options. “Yes And” says I hear and respect your opinion, it creates space for additional opinions and perspectives, building from one point of view and onto another. “Yes And” helps a conversation move forward.
